Dear Siblings,
Let me first start out by saying that you are truly some of the most admirable people I know for assuming a role that requires so much of yourself and your life. You all have never asked for this to be your life and at times I’m sure that you have asked yourself, “Why? What did I do to deserve this life full of chaos, pain, embarrassment and instability?” I’m not ashamed to say that I have asked these same questions and I have had the meltdowns and even the thoughts of wanting to trade my brother for a normal one. However, we all know that this isn’t the reality and we must face the music and deal with the life we were given.
We will never understand why we were chosen to be a sibling of a special needs child and with that we need to hold our heads high, so people can look at us and see someone that has faced adversity head on and conquered it all; the good the bad and the very, very ugly. Lead by example with friends and set a new standard for the way people treat and look at children and adults with special needs. Because we if don’t stand up for them now and in the future then who will?
Remember that you are your special needs siblings’ biggest protector because as siblings you are the closest thing that they have to blood thick love. An extraordinary life long bond should develop with your sibling over time and do all that you can to foster this. Find something that you both like to do and make a moment out of it. I melted at the opportunity to share experiences with my brother Brian because as my only sibling I wanted those memories in my childhood to take along with me to share with my children.
Friends may be hard to keep or maybe you might feel that you don’t want to bring them around because you might be ashamed of what they think of you because of your brother or sister but, the truth is… what kind of friend would judge you by how your brother or sister acted? If they did then, you don’t want them as a friend. Trust me; I have dismissed friends before because of this reason and it makes you a better person for recognizing this early in your life. Do it and don’t be afraid to do it often. True friends will stick around! Please remember that it’s not your sibling’s fault that they have Autism, they never asked for this life full of pain and uncertainly. Don’t blame them for their behaviors because many times they can’t control it. Don’t blame your parents either because the pressures that they experience in their roles as parents, are so tremendous and time consuming. They never asked for this life so, make a pack, bond together and educate others about Autism. Those dirty looks that you might get from people in public are teaching moments about what autism is and how it affects someone’s life.
The innocence and brilliance that our siblings live with are profound and rather unique. They are trapped in a circulator world that has no corners to find an exit. Their world is black and white and they are always misunderstood. No answers to them are right and life is always blurry. So, help them see clearly! As for siblings, stick together and find a Sibshop. These are great opportunities for brothers and sisters of children with special needs to obtain a peer support group that provides education and activities designed around their life. Many of these “celebrations” are to acknowledge all of the contributions that are made by “us”. Sometimes finding someone else that is like you makes you realize that you are not in this life alone. They are huge confident boosters for anyone that attends and usually designed for young children but, dependent on the state that you live some are developed for young adults as well.
In conclusion my friends- remember that whatever goals you have in life no matter how big or small they are you are able to achieve them. You are special and you are able to do anything that you put you mind to. I know that this may sound cheesy but, as siblings we have conquered many challenges but, nothing is too difficult for us. Whatever you may believe in, whether it’s God or a higher being, it was no mistake that you were placed in this sibling role to a special needs child for a reason. You can run away from it or you take it by storm, bend the rules and live a full and happy life. “If you want to make the world a better place, look at yourself and make a change, the late Michael Jackson said.
Make a difference, be inspired and be someone’s inspiration.
God Bless and Much Love!
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