Challenge #5: Pressures and Responsibilities as siblings

The pressures and responsibilities that a sibling has to deal throughout their life are no hidden secret. How they deal with the responsibilities clearly depends on how the parents model it themselves. For example, when shopping with my mom one day at a shoe store we noticed a middle-aged man with his special needs son. He wanted a piece a candy that was left for shoppers at the check-out counter. The store clerk gave him a piece a candy after his father said, “yes”. Afterwards he went to his younger sibling and was excited that he got a piece of candy. After he ate the candy, he went back up to his father yet again, with his compulsive like behavior and said, “Another candy, another candy,” while pointing at the box. The father then said in a very stern and loud voice, “no, you already had one piece”, the young man then went to his sibling and asked for a piece of candy”, the sibling repeated the same behavior as their parent and rudely yelled as they rolled their eyes, “No… what did Dad say… You can’t have any more candy.”

My mom and I looked at each other and our heart broke for the young man as we could tell he was crushed as to how he was talked to by his father and then his sibling. That was when my mom asked the father of the special needs son, if he could have a piece of unopened candy that we had grabbed out of the box. He then said, “Sure”. And the young man and his family went on their way. After the situation it made me reflect on what had just happened. It was clear that the sibling was modeling behaviors and actions of their parent. Some of the kids handle the responsibilities well and the others suffer with the pressure and undergo potentially harmful emotional break downs.

Similar to the 1988 comedy-drama Rain Man, written by Barry Morrow and Ronald Bass and directed by Barry Levinson Tom Cruise, who was a brother to a mentally-challenged sibling, he found himself developing an instinct and a level of protectiveness towards his brother when faced with the responsibility of watching over him. The “it’s my job” mentalities for siblings, who step up to the plate when circumstances are challenged usually happen early in ones life. Siblings instincts (like the Tom Cruise’s) usually are kicked into play when faced with a life changing situation or when something bad happens to their siblings. I noticed that I felt much closer to my brother and I was much more protective of him after the horrific episode at the respite care facility. I wanted to find the worker that intentionally bashed his face into that sink and make them feel the pain that we suffered as a family. I really matured and respected him much more for his undoubting innocence.
Responsibilities and pressures of a sibling do come with age, however if the parents model the roles and expectations from day one it usually is picked up more genuinely. Also, it’s the personalities of the siblings that I believe are fashioned to be unique and fierce. To label us “outgoing” I believe is such a loose label however, we are reactive and adaptable to any situation. At this age in my life, nothing and I mean, nothing fazes me on what Brian’s does, says or reactions. I have seen it all and been through it all.