Outbursts in public

I was extremely fortunate to grow up with two parents that clearly didn’t care what other people whispered about my brother or the dirty looks that they gave us. On many occasions, my dad would go to the store and take along my brother, who would be about 10 years old or so, and would have a temper tantrum. With my brother looking completely normally people would whisper or give completely appalling looks to my brother who would be rolling around on the floor or taking many grocery items off the shelve. This would often come followed by my father yanking him up off the ground and my brother creating a scene yelling louder and louder. If someone got gutsy enough to say anything, that is usually where my dad would say, “He’s handicap and he can’t help it! Do you have a problem with that?” Normally it was followed by a simple, “No”. However, as Brian aged and calmed down a bit, he actually created friends at local businesses (party stores, gas stations, grocery stores and his favorite place the Dollar store). My parents were consistent yet, conscious with where they shopped because people got to know and love Brian that way. My advice is to find some place to shop that is accepting of others that are different and then stick with it.

Challenge #4: "He's so embarrassing!"

I think that it very common for siblings to feel embarrassed by their autistic brother or sister's behavior in public, or to be reluctant to bring their friends home. Trust me, I know what this is like and it’s especially hard when you are bringing home a new boyfriend that you are trying to impress and meet your family. On several occasion, I broke-up with boyfriends soon after them meeting my brother because of their reaction towards him. I knew that our relationship would have never gone far if they couldn't accept my brother. But, the honest truth is that as a sibling, you need to surround yourself around people that are not embarrassed of your sibling. Whether its boyfriends or just friends, I usually had a good sense of what kind of person someone was by the way they treated Brian. Growing up, all of my friends loved my brother and a few of them even wrote papers about him in high school. It’s important for parents to encourage honesty and to laugh things off because things always get better.



From those typical siblings that I know, majority of them are outspoken and have no problems addressing crowds pointing out the fact that their sibling is different and if they have any questions, they can ask them instead of staring. For parents, the advice that I would give is explain to your typical child that it’s a tough job being a sibling but, you know what they are going through and it will make them a better, well-rounded person for dealing with all of this. Just this past Halloween I took my 25 year old brother trick or treating with my 2 year old son and although we got a very odd looks from people seeing a grown man trick or treat, I think it’s important to put all of the embarrassment aside and allow your sibling to have fun. Deep down this is a memory that I know that my brother will carry on forever. Every house he went to he had to shake their hand and say, “Happy Halloween”, and thank you for my candy. Once the neighbor realized he had special needs, they seemed to understand him better. I share this story because it’s important for siblings to take a chance and allow your special needs sibling to be exposed to many things, even it that means you might be embarrassed, but, in the end… who really cares, right?

Above photo: Brian at Halloween, 2009